Friday, October 30, 2009


Not much to say other than that I'm ... existent.

BARELY. (Actually, doing pretty well.)

what's up

life and school.

things have been interesting since my last post. but I really have nothing to say because it's difficult to put into coherent words. life happens!

maybe I should invest in becoming a fly on the wall. then I don't have to participate in things and can just write about everything. and become probably more irritated at people than I am.

(oh yeah, NaNoWriMo is in ... a day.)

whatcha say?

that it's all for the best. (because it is.)


Monday, April 06, 2009

strange, and how

so, I traveled down to an unspecified location to visit a university I'm looking at this weekend, and I was with people. many of them, in fact - this is a very large university, I was with people who have very interesting lives, and strangely ... I came out of it fine.

see, there is an unspecified amount of stress I always experience when with people. and I guess it's normal for me - I come to expect it, and account for it, and then deal with it later, after trips or long weekends of lots of people, because I do not deal with people very well.

but this weekend was different. I've been trying to pray an hour a day because this is just 1/24th of my day, and God deserves much more. I was feeling sick about the trip before we embarked - nerves, muddled emotional state, and other things - but slowly as the trip went on, my nausea went away and was replaced with peace.

peace that I asked for from God.

the weekend was amazing. I got to meet up with some very good friends, have a lot of fun, and learn more about God and His call, and how His will is perfected in our lives.

instead of the >_< *exhausted* sort of feelings I usually have right after a long weekend with extended socializing, I am rested. I am peaceful. I am looking forward to what God has for me. I am waiting on Him.

..and kind of procrastinating on homework.

I shall get to that.

also, perhaps I will revive this blog. trouble has blown over, praise the Lord.


Thursday, January 22, 2009

like the sun

(here it comes now)

so, life has been interesting and challenging in the past few months. in fact, the last half-year has been quite the learning experience, but my strength is not my own.

sometimes it seems like there's a lot of change in the wings, but that's the uncertainty of the thing - we don't know. and I don't. and I can't control it.

seems like things spin out of control. and that's why the illusion of control is disastrous. we grasp for control in our own needy little ways - not only through attempts to control people, but ourselves!

but sunlight breaks through. we just need to open our eyes and see. pick up your mat and walk. God's not going to force us to change. we have to move ourselves.

and for myself, I ask for peace and guidance. maybe revival of this small internet space is what I need to move on.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

teardrop on the fire

love love is a verb
love is a doing word
fearless on my breath
gentle impulsion
shakes me makes me lighter
fearless on my breath

teardrop on the fire
fearless on my breath

night light of the day
black flowers blossom
fearless on my breath

water is my eye
most faithful mirror
fearless on my breath
teardrop on the fire of a confession
fearless on my breath
most faithful mirror
fearless on my breath

you're stumbling in the dark
you're stumbling in the dark

massive attack, teardrop

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

entangled, entertained

intertwined in songs of spiderwebs
oh, glory, dust it off!
easier said than done, I said before it was done
open the doors, let fly the curtains!
untie the shades, roll the sheets up without pretense
and the broken cups will lie where they lay

let it go, my friend
be nothing else than here
or the smallest sign of truth will fade.
what belief of manners shaded have grown tall
and soon, to devour - consume us all.

Monday, September 15, 2008

what manner of joy gives here

a time of peace for coming years
the clouds race on, unstopped by fate
so hurry, child, your smile...

what confusion does to lesser minds
and where the meaning here I'll find
I thought I thought but then I found
that they're just spinning heads around.

turning it out.
see, the hardest thing to know
is just where you're going to go.

you know where you've been and why it's there
but now...

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

I have not fallen away

but the closer I get
the sooner it seems
until my head's no longer spinning
around and around.

little more than assurances
raindrops are starting
sending leaves twitching.

make a noise before you go
before it is over
and you have nothing to show.